GNTM column: “What we wear again below is a cheek!"

Pink Floyd's intro from “Shine on You Crazy Diamond” is considered the longest entrée of a song that comes from a band that know more than three people. 8:27 minutes pass until one voice can be heard for the first time. Eight and a half minutes don't say a word that this would be a record with GNTM. But an unlikely, because Top Model-Richterin Heidi Klum has never managed to say a word for so long in 52 years. Sleep phases included. It is therefore not surprising that “Germany's Next Top Model” is immediately verbatim in Medias Res. The 19th episode of the Pro7 anorexia documentary starts particularly rapidly. After just a few seconds, Modelscout24 CEO Klum explains: “The new week starts colorful, loud and exciting!” The film “Oh Boy” with Tom Schilling is not shown before, because it is black and white, quiet and to fall asleep.

If the twins happen to read Luka and Tarkan from the previous year's relay, here is a short service insert: Medias Res has nothing to do with Bambi. But back to the topic. Since Klum has also allowed male candidates to “Harper's Bazaar” cover for her absurdity festival, the amorous factor of her annual mannequin assessment center for hardware store opening candidates has been increasing. As an example, the protagonists of the 2025 discount code Armada are currently emerging some potential glamor pairs. Jannik, for example, seems to develop emotional affection for Eva, while the former top favorite Daniela and Ray are caught remarkably often by the random camera teams in intimate togetherness. With the naked eye, GNTM can hardly be distinguished from “Tempation Island”.

Even flirt-island-star moderator Lola Weippert looks like a youth version of Heidi Klum. Only whether Weippert also gave her breasts name is still unclear. The Heidi Klum are officially baptized. Loyal readers of these GNTM specialist analyzes know the correct answer, of course, for everyone else here for loosening up a small multiple-choice task: What are the breasts of Heidi Klum?

Heidi Klums now quickly boast to the second highlight of every GNTM relay, the special episode for sympathizers from the top model cosmos. Designer Marina Hoermanseder has been reliably placed stable in the top 3 of the shitstorm charts for years. Their often harsh lament is regularly scanned by the cuddly course spoiled television audience in the comment columns. Apparently, the Rosamunde pilcher fan block on the home sofa expects that you have to treat motto-seeking model novels like Robbenbabies. The fact is, however, that if you want to be touched with velvet gloves, you should set a butler. Because if you think that in the real fashion industry, models are verbally packed in cotton wool, which will still long for Marina Hoermanseder's mob attacks.

So now May has come, but not only the trees are striking. Marina Hoermanseder's first victim becomes zero-goat icon Moritz. His aura always suggests that he mentally linger in the model penthouse, but could give Alice Weidel at any time and storm out of the studio without a mistake. The right attitude for discipline connoisseur Hoermanseder. When she is rumored, Moritz had already completed various fashion Week Runways, she asks him to show a walk. However, the tension-lazy surf boy prefers to chill on the couch landscape: “Nah, I don't see!”

Hoermanseder is no longer able to get a shock. A touch of Uli Hoeneß blows briefly through the GNTM halls. The once rumbled: “As long as Rummenigge and I have something to say here, Lothar Matthäus will not even become a greenkeeper!”

Fortunately for Moritz, the Lothar Matthäus of the top models, photographer Christian Anwander strolls into the backstage area at that moment. The Austrian Grantler duo Hoermanseder & Anwander is complete. Because even the hiker highly engraved by Klum to star photographer is one of the more verbal robust guest jurors of the GNTM family not poor on communication geniuses. His judgment about the almost naked candidate Zoe Saip remains legendary on a truck on a truck: “If I imagine that I would have to shoot with you for a whole day, I can give myself the ball right away!” Double unpleasant for Zoe, which was already humiliated with a Dieter Bohlen memory hairstyle during the change.

The dresses that Moritz brought with her favorite designer are snow white. For Hoermanseder as unusual as for residents, sentences without subtle insults. He then reveals the secret of the colorless outfits: “We will be Marina's beautiful clothes with color!” Naturally. The many tutoring lessons were worth it with Thomas Hayo. The thoughts are made in the form of color. In a mixture of paintball and knife throw on the candidates, strapped on a circular platform, KLUM personally fires this until surreal works of art, all of which look a little like the plate of my 17 -month -old son if he wants to eat without help.

In order to suggest something conceptual in this heated atmosphere, Klum occasionally asks the candidates at least about their favorite colors. Josy chooses blue. Color blocker Klum is too unconcrete: “Which blue? Rather baby blue or goblin blue?” Who doesn't know it: Kobold-Blau? With us in Germany almost as popular as Pumuckel, the red -haired cobalt.

At the latest at Kati there is an annotation at the operating temperature: “You look as if you had fallen out of the 4. stick and smashed on the floor!” Fortunately, it is traditionally destroyed by models at GNTM, but only intelligence quotients. But not that of Canel, because it wrote down in mind: “My dress had something of Superwoman, I had a long drag!” A sentence that could only be topped by: “That had something from Taylor Swift, I had an elephant!”

Meanwhile, Moritz has digested his Hoermanseder walking faux pas and has mutated into a fashion philosopher: “The biggest factor for customers to book me is my appearance!” Potzblitz. It goes less well for Aaliyah. Klum dictates a “The round was not so good now!” In the class book. The round was not that good. Aha. At first it doesn't go so well with the shoot and then Fatshaming. Christian Anwander is also only enthusiastic: “You were the worst of all!”

When the rotary turmeric color shoot is over, there is hardly any time to rinse at least the 300 liters of color out of the hair that Klum pitched the candidates into the foehn hairstyles. Ex-half-finalist Betty Taube returns to the GNTM lap and announces a personality-based social media video shoot. Everyone should imagine moving image in 30 seconds. Canel switches the fastest and already has a concept of a concept in its sleeves: “You have to experience the little things, for example the beautiful sun in Los Angeles!” Exactly. You don't need any designer clothing either, something from Louis Vuitton is completely enough!

Only when all the videos are in the box does Taube reveal that the challenge was also a secret casting for an energy-drink brand. The candidates are more enthusiastic than Friedrich Merz after the second ballot. Understandable, because said energy drink supposedly gives wings and space for another piano is definitely in the huge penthouse. Casting director Betty Taube at the end chooses Kati and Moritz. Both have been working together at Berlin Fashion Week since their time together. In the meantime, they remind you strikingly of this pensioner couple meme, in which the man always repeats the last three words of the sentence that his wife just said.

The decision walk is less harmonious the following day. Instead of clothing, the ensemble is only wrapped in narrow adhesive strips. Above all, Nawin struggles with the narrow outfit: “The look itself is cool, but what we are wearing again is a cheek!” A cheek at the bottom. Barbie is said to have said that when she became intimate with Ken for the first time. Nawin's wrapping drama, however, is incomprehensible at Zoe: “The boys are more divas than the girls. Seriously, people, I had tape over my nipples!”

Nawin's Speedoslip Aversion is quickly forgotten when Paris Hilton suddenly stands in the room. Nawin is thrilled. He saw all of her films. Hilton is not only enthusiastic about Nawin. Marina Hoermanseder also gets Moritz-Vibes again. Klum welcomes the zero-year-IT girl exuberantly, but not at all. Well, it is not booked. Daniela has better chances. The Bonmot Queen still donates a gem of language art today: “I hope the walk is going well!” But I have a good feeling from the feeling. As a catwalk nostradamus, I have little career opportunities, because Daniela runs “strained” and even falls in the end. Marina Hoermanseder relentlessly states: “A Magdalena totally outdated her in the walk!” Sure, Austrians stick together.

Otherwise, Kevin gets a “Slay” from Paris Hilton and Pierre a “I'm going to be completely red” from Hoermanseder. Flirtal arm also with Xenia and Nawin, but only with the floor staff on the lax. Klum, Hoermanseder and Hilton inform you of the early discharge from the GNTM employment relationship. The mit-wacking candidates Daniela and Aaliyah, on the other hand, save themselves again in the Drag Queen Week, of which I will report here next Friday. See you then!