Narcissists feel left out more often—but are they misreading the room?

New research reveals that narcissists don’t just feel left out—they often are. Their exaggerated sensitivity to exclusion and their own off-putting behavior create a feedback loop of social rejection. Could breaking the cycle help them—and those around them?

Research: Narcissists’ experience of ostracism. Image Credit: Prazis Images / Shutterstock

Narcissists feel ostracized more frequently than their less self-absorbed peers, according to research published by the American Psychological Association. This may stem not only from being shunned due to their personalities but also from a tendency to misinterpret ambiguous social signals as exclusion. However, the study also suggests that narcissists’ own behaviors may actively contribute to their social exclusion.

“Feeling ostracized is a subjective experience based on the perception of social cues by the individual. Some may be intentionally ostracized, while others may merely believe they are being excluded when that’s not the case,” said lead author Christiane Büttner, PhD, of the University of Basel. “Our findings suggest that individuals with higher levels of narcissism are more sensitive to exclusion cues, leading them to perceive ostracism more frequently.”

The research was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

While narcissism can take various forms, the researchers chose to focus exclusively on grandiose narcissism, which includes traits such as entitlement, dominance, a strong desire for admiration, and a tendency to seek status and recognition. Within grandiose narcissism, the study further differentiates between two key facets: narcissistic admiration—associated with charm and status-seeking—and narcissistic rivalry, which involves aggression, competitiveness, and belittling others. The study found that narcissistic rivalry, in particular, was more strongly linked to experiences of ostracism.

The research team first analyzed data from the German Socio-Economic Panel, a long-term, nationally representative survey of approximately 22,000 households in Germany. Focusing on 1,592 individuals who answered questions about narcissism and ostracism in 2015, the study found that people with higher narcissism levels reported experiencing significantly more ostracism.

The researchers conducted a two-week study with 323 participants to confirm these findings. These individuals completed narcissism assessments and reported past feelings of ostracism. For the next 14 days, they logged moments when they felt excluded or neglected using a mobile app. This approach allowed researchers to capture real-time data, minimizing memory biases that could distort retrospective reports.

“Participants with higher narcissism scores reported feeling excluded more frequently in daily life, aligning with our earlier survey results,” Büttner noted.

A series of six experiments involving over 2,500 participants further explored the link between narcissism and feeling excluded. In one experiment, participants played a virtual ball-tossing game in which two other players either included or excluded them. Another experiment used short introduction videos to see whether participants inferred narcissistic traits from brief social interactions and how this affected their likelihood of being excluded. Additional experiments presented hypothetical social scenarios and asked participants to assess how excluded they felt.

The results showed that narcissistic individuals were more likely to perceive ambiguous social interactions, where ostracism is not explicitly made clear, as exclusionary. This sensitivity to exclusion cues was a key factor in their frequent reports of ostracism. Additional experiments further reinforced this perception of social exclusion, revealing that people often prefer to avoid highly narcissistic individuals. However, the study also found that narcissists’ own behaviors—particularly traits associated with narcissistic rivalry—can directly lead others to exclude them. Participants in one experiment were more likely to ostracize individuals they perceived as narcissistic, even without explicit labeling of their traits.

Interestingly, the researchers also found evidence that the relationship between narcissism and social exclusion works both ways.

“Narcissism may contribute to social exclusion, but ostracism itself can also fuel the development of narcissistic traits,” Büttner explained.

Analyzing 14 years of data from a national survey in New Zealand involving over 72,000 participants, researchers observed that changes in feelings of exclusion were followed by changes in narcissism levels a year later and vice versa. This suggests a cycle where individuals who feel excluded may develop more narcissistic tendencies over time, which in turn increases their likelihood of being ostracized again.

These findings highlight the complex interplay between personality traits and social experiences, according to Büttner. Understanding this relationship can help address workplace conflicts, social isolation, and broader societal issues.

“If people with high narcissistic traits are more likely to feel and be excluded, this could contribute to escalating tensions in workplaces or social groups. At the same time, their heightened sensitivity to exclusion might make them more likely to react aggressively,” she said. “This aligns with prior research showing that narcissistic individuals, particularly those high in rivalry traits, may respond to exclusion with hostility or retaliation, further straining social relationships. These findings suggest that interventions aimed at improving interpersonal relationships and reducing social friction should consider both the perceptions and behaviors of the individuals involved.”