The Apparent Power of Hate Commentators
Anyone who is in the public eye or uses social networks is familiar with this phenomenon. Politicians or experts often withdraw from public life, either out of fear for their lives – which is an extreme escalation of the “fuck off” – namely death threats – or because they no longer want to deal with the “mob”. It has become too psychologically exhausting to deal with the daily attacks.
What does psychology say about this?
When we look into the issues behind these comments, we quickly recognize aggressive people who want to unload their personal frustrations on others. These individuals blame authors, politicians or the state for their own unsatisfied life situation. Some readers hold extreme and opposing opinions, others simply want to attract attention.
What these people have in common is that they often hide behind anonymity. Their anger is directed against the author, against living conditions, migrants, pension issues, the Greens or other topics – there is always a reason to do so. This anger can sometimes be justified: a person who has worked hard for 40 years and now sees how others receive social benefits without contributing anything of their own has every reason to be angry.
However, there is also anger that is not related to the topic the commentator is complaining about. This anger is triggered by the author, politician or expert, just because they dare to express a different opinion or, as a woman, to voice criticism. This type of anger often has deeper roots, such as a violent childhood, failed professional training or unfulfilled life goals.
Dealing with “Fuck off”
It is essential to deal with such comments in a powerful way. Powerful because the commentator, consciously or unconsciously, wants to belittle and dominate the other person. In the second that you read such comments, you decide whether to give up your own power, doubt your own expertise, develop fears or make yourself available as a projection surface for the other person's frustrations.
You have to be aware that the other person is often talking more about themselves in their comments than about the actual topic. “Fuck off” can be a message from a childhood with violent experiences or an expression of inadequate guilt education. Statements like “Fuck off” often show a threatening scenario on the part of the commentator, the desire to create distance by “wishing the other person, who is unpleasant, to hell”. Psychologically speaking: you have come too close to the commentator, you have crossed a line because you may have looked into their innermost being, behind their facades.
Social media and the new communication culture
Social media has further eroded the boundaries of decency. The tone has become harsher because people can hide behind the anonymity of the platforms. Individual hate comments are noticed and regulated, but in groups people feel safer and unpunished. Shame about communicative slip-ups is hardly present anymore.
It is important for authors, experts and politicians to make a conscious decision about how to deal with such transgressions: “Distance yourself from such comments, do not read them to the end or ignore them straight away. From the first line, if the aggression behind the words is not already evident in the subject line, you should delete such messages. Give your brain the message: “This is the commentator's topic, not my topic.”
Because in truth, in many cases it is not you personally who is being addressed. You are merely the projection surface for the (violent) experiences that often have their origins in childhood and may continue to this day: in conflicts at work, in relationships, with children, in money worries, addiction problems or illnesses. His statements reflect a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness in view of his own life situation.
Growing up in a culture of communication that is not non-violent, but unfortunately was never taught otherwise. Growing up in rather violent or precarious living conditions. Or the opposite, with the feeling of power due to a (supposedly) outstanding top position combined with status symbols and image that one believes one has and that one would like to expand. Giving the other the feeling that the expert or politician or author is actually a “meaningless worm”. And that one could do much better if only one were allowed to.
Don’t give the hate commentators any power – because they have none!
Power must be granted or attributed, and as an expert, author or politician, that is in your hands. I can only recommend that the “fuck off” commentators think about what insight they are giving the public into their mental state. Or risk being diagnosed with a mental illness, which, by the way, could easily be made based on the statements.
As a commentator, think briefly about the real reason for your anger before you press the button and communicate your anger. Comment constructively and use the exchange that could arise through adequate communication to develop yourself further. Perhaps you could write to me and ask in detail about my arguments? Perhaps I can help you to better understand some things in your life and to understand yourself better.
The same applies to you: Don't give others power over your life. Hate comments do not improve your situation at all. They only serve to release pressure. Neither politicians, nor experts, nor employers, nor your partners are to blame for your misery. Even if you are convinced that this is your reality. Ultimately, you are still responsible for your life. Specifically, about which perspective you choose in life: Is your beer glass half full, or always half empty?
In this context, I recommend a great book by Paul Watzlawick: You Can't Not Communicate.
