Dgermany – land of heart leaves! Which magazine do we start with this week? Best with that mirror. “SOS Sylt – How multi-millionaires are hijacking the island” is the promising title there, but there are too many words and simply too few pictures in the magazine. The number of celebrity names bears no relation to the length of the text. Therefore quickly over to the reliable in this regard Gala, which announces “Mallorca: The Summer of Hollywood Stars” on page 1 and drops three big names: Gwyneth Paltrow! Jennifer Lopez! Katie Perry! Take that, mirror! In a hardly less prominent place, namely in the editorial, the Gala-Boss, sorry, Editor at Large that she wasn’t thrilled before her first visit to Malle, but then: “An hour after landing, I had to admit sheepishly how beautiful it is there.” Unfortunately, she didn’t give us the number of the revealed on the baggage carousel where this realization overtook her.
Anyone who says Mallorca must also say Dieter Bohlen, with himself recreational fun and OK! disagree this week. While the former attests Bohlen an “embarrassing show-off” on their title, the latter accuses him of a “luxury lie!” Well, what now? Are we, loyal readers, supposed to puzzle around? The, well, the texts are then of course the same: Bohlen only pretends that he has a property in Malle. “Incredible what is coming to light now,” writes recreational fun and wrestles with the grammar: “Great villa, dreamlike garden. The star Frauke Ludowig gave an interview in the luxury setting. Later it turned out: It doesn’t belong to him.’ What now exactly? The villa, the garden, the luxury setting? Or even Frauke?!
Insights into the freezer of the former chancellor
Worse than not owning an island property is not even being able to afford a hotel room. Just good that us week today draws attention to it soberly as usual. “Incredible scenes. Shocking MARRIAGE DRAMA. How can he do THAT to his poor wife?” the newspaper rhetorically asks Matthias Reim. Nine pages later we learn all the horrific details: Reim is touring the country with his wife and child in a camper van! The little family couldn’t find peace in such a cramped space, and as if that weren’t enough, they were also “at the mercy of the smoke of the smoker Matthias Reim,” the editors reveal with a cough. However, we don’t think it’s that dramatic now. The main thing is that the man doesn’t sing too.
This week’s Freizeit-Revue deals with a fictional monologue by the Merkel couple.
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Image: dpa
But enough of the shenanigans, the situation is serious, let us know leisure revue, which exclusively reveals “The Truth About Their Marriage.” No, not your marriage, but that of Angela Merkel. In a fictional monologue – presumably in no way inferior to the text – the paper empathizes deeply with the current daily routine of the once most powerful woman in the world, which supposedly consists of cleaning out the freezer: “You still have blackberries from 2018 frozen here, dear. We tried it out right away and proudly present the result: “You’ve had one on the waffle for years, leisure revue!” Not so bad for the first time. Regardless of that, let’s quickly summarize the truth about Merkel’s marriage: The former chancellor cooks and bakes plum cake. So everything is fine.
Whereby Leisure Exclusive is already advertising for the new issue, on which a photo of Merkel is emblazoned under the headline “The best schnitzel” with the line: “Bitter confession: The truth about her illness.” We already suspect how the story will end: She has it Ate berries from 2018 honey!
Speaking of food: OK! presents the “Diet Secrets of the Stars”. Jennifer Aniston, for example, is said to always allow herself “just one M&M or just one potato chip” when she has a sweet tooth. With us it’s been the other way around – we only ever leave one M&M or one chip. Especially in this heat, we could also make friends with Renée Zellweger’s recipe against hunger: suck ice cubes. People just didn’t think of anything like that during the hunger winters. Just as little as on the tip of her fellow actress Shailene Woodley, who recommends clay as a useful food. Not only does it fill you up, it also helps to detoxify. Disadvantage, however: “The stool, urine and you smell of metal!” And then you obviously talk tin.
Tips from the motivational coach
We could use a little motivation right now. How good that Colorful this week the motivational coach Erich Lejeune – for free! – got two great tips for unmotivated readers: “Just fly to London for a weekend and do something for your English skills. And what’s more, I always say: If you get up an hour earlier, you get to know completely different people.” Many have already experienced the latter based on their partner’s mood when the alarm clock actually rings an hour earlier.
Which brings us back to Gala scroll back, which writes about Bastian Schweinsteiger and his wife Ana Ivanovic: “He wears them on his hands”. That may be true, but the paper once again conceals the real reason for this: so that the good girl can also properly paint the living room ceiling.
