Sweetheart stories: sexual maturity at 150 years

AExceptionally, this week we would like to congratulate the picture-Zeitung, on their Wednesday headline. She transforms a template from Peta. “Largest animal protection organization demands” is there and, even larger: “Sex ban for meat-eating men!” Meat, sex, men: More sensitive topics can hardly be accommodated in one line. Actually only Corona is missing, but unfortunately Peta didn’t talk about meat-eating unvaccinated men.

The of picture In any case, the men and women interviewed on the street are seriously considering the demand: “If I, as a meat-eating man, were no longer allowed to have sex, I would just stop eating meat,” ponders a pensioner from Würzburg, and a bratwurst seller says: ” I’d have a big problem if my husband weren’t allowed to have sex anymore!” And your husband wouldn’t? But it’s true: As a bratwurst seller, it would be difficult for her to meet nice vegetarians who could step in for her husband who was forced to shut down.

Madonna’s Dating Rule

Even Leonardo DiCaprio could cut a slice from this woman – and now please leave the sausage department in your mind: singer Madonna, writes woman in the mirror, “is not reported to have dated anyone who was not at least 28 years younger than her since 2008. Currently it’s model Andrew Darnell, 23.” While DiCaprio, at 47, is apparently struggling to stick to his reportedly firm rule of only dating women under 25 — he’s now said to have started a romance with Gigi Hadid, 27 — , it is becoming noticeably easier for the 64-year-old Madonna: With every year of life, the selection among the 28-year-old guys grows for her.

Sky du Mont, 75, whose new girlfriend is even 29 years younger, emphasizes woman in the mirror: “But I also had women who were older than me.” But certainly not in the last 50 years, right? When the topic of rebirth came up, du Mont wished he didn’t return as a Greenland shark – because “they don’t reach sexual maturity until they are 150 years old.” Who would want that anyway?” As a Greenland shark, you probably have a really long and carefree childhood.

A new pledge of allegiance

Surprisingly for many, the Spanish ex-king Juan Carlos appeared side by side with his wife Sofia at Queen Elizabeth’s funeral. The Golden Leaf claims that Sofia had previously visited him in exile in Abu Dhabi: “From now on Juan Carlos Sofia is said to have sworn his allegiance at a dinner in the shade of palm trees.” We assume that at the age of 84 one makes such an oath with a lighter heart .

On the other hand, Veronica Ferres and Carsten Maschmeyer seem like young lovers. The new sheet reports: “‘I always thought love started with ‘L’. But with me with ‘V’,” he posts on the Internet together with couple pictures.” Unfortunately, a Tom Kaulitz could not give his wife Heidi Klum a similar compliment – ​​love should really never start with H.

My colleague Tyra Banks talks about her friendship with Klum Gala: “We even have certain sounds as we greet each other.” Too bad that Gala didn’t ask which sound it was: squeaking, grunting, purring, hissing?

Water for Wickert

Ulrich Wickert emptied a glass in front of the camera with his former colleague Caren Miosga, who replaced him as the record presenter of the “Tagesthemen”. At the request of picturewhat was in the shot glasses, Wickert replies: “We drank what we used to call chateau la pompe!” – “Means: water!”, Translated picture. The allegations of wasted fees apparently made the ARD so sensitive that even the old red wine drinker Wickert has to be content with water today.

Of course, we all have to limit ourselves, why what The Golden Leaf sold as “The good news of the week”, is very welcome: “Stephanie Kirchner (33) from Hesse has the absolute savings tip – ‘I ride my horse to work'”. Since switching from well over 100 to one horsepower, she has spent “about 250 euros less a month,” says Kirchner, who only sees one disadvantage: “Even if we gallop on the way, I now need 40 minutes for one route.”

Nevertheless, we find the idea fascinating that from then on all Germans rode to work. There would be more space on the streets (two horses should fit on one lane), gas stations would give way to feeding troughs, there would be park-and-horse-ride areas, and instead of the stench of exhaust gases, our country would be pervaded by a spicy natural scent of hay and apples. One would still have to talk about details such as the service horse privilege or the introduction of the 9-euro horse. Last but not least, all of this would be a conciliatory conclusion to an under-complex summer debate: all Germans could feel like their beloved Winnetou every day.